Ah Beng always smiles during lightning storms because he thinks his picture is being taken.
Why can't Ah Beng dial 9-11?
Because he can't find the number 11 (eleven) on the phone.
Ah Beng urgently needed a few days off work, but he knew the Boss would not allow him to take leave. He thought that maybe if he acted "CRAZY" then the boss would tell him to take a few days off.
So he hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises.
His co-worker (Ms Lian) asked him what is he doing?
He told her that he is pretending to be a light bulb so that the boss would think he was "CRAZY" and give him a few days off.
A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, "What are you doing?" He told him that he is a light bulb. The boss said "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days".
Ah Beng jumped down and walked out of the office.
When his co-worker (Ms Lian) followed him out, the Boss asked her "...And where do you think you're going?"
She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!
Ah Beng with two red ears went to his doctor.
The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone ring, lah - but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear, lah"
"Oh dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But ... what happened to the other ear?"
Ah Beng answered : "That stupid dumbo called back, lah !!!!"
Ah Beng talk to a long-distance telephone operator.
Ah Beng : "COULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME THE TIME DIFFERENCE BETWEEN TAIPEI AND LAS VEGAS ?"
Operator : "JUST A MINUTE..."
Ah Beng : "THANK YOU , lah" AND PUTS DOWN THE PHONE.
After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on for quite some time, Ah Beng proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend.
"It took me ONLY 5 MONTHS TO DO IT", Ah Beng brags.
"FIVE MONTHS? THAT'S TOO LONG", the friend exclaims.
"YOU ARE A FOOL." Ah Beng replies, "SEE THIS BOX, IT IS WRITTEN FOR 4-7 YRS".
At a bar in New York, the man to Ah Beng's left tells the bartender, JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE"
and his companion says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE".
The bartender approaches Ah Beng and asks, "AND YOU, SIR ?"
Ah Beng replies : "Tan Ah Beng, MARRIED lah"
Some classic Ah Beng jokes
Why did Ah Beng go to a movie with his 18 friends?
Because below 18 not allowed Lah !
Ah Beng wants to buy a TV set. He goes to a shop.
Ah Beng : "Do you have color TV ?"
Salesgirl : "Yes !"
Ah Beng : "Give me a green one, please "
Ah Beng goes to a store and sees a shiny object.
Ah Beng : "What is that shiny object ?"
Salesgirl : "That is a thermos flask."
Ah Beng : "What does it do ?"
Salesgirl : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"
Ah Beng : "I'll buy it"
The next day, Ah Beng goes to work with his thermo flask.
Boss : "What is that shiny object ?"
Ah Beng : "It's a thermos flask."
Boss : "What does it do ?"
Ah Beng : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"
Boss : "What do you have in it?"
Ah Beng : "Two cups of coffee and one cup of ice cream"
After making photocopies of documents, Ah Beng always compares it with the original for spelling mistakes.
Ah Beng is filling up an application form for a job.
He supplied the information for the columns on Name, Age, Address, etc.
Then he comes to column on "Salary Expected", but he is not sure of the question.
After much thought, he writes "Yes"
Ah Beng had just bought a new computer and was using it. When he encountered some problems. He decide to use the 'Help' command. Soon after, he became very irritated and called the computer retailer for support.
Ah Beng : "I press the 'F1' key for help lah, but it's been over half an hour and still nobody come and help me Lah ?!"